Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
