um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
