Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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