You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
