i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
