If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
