and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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