I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
COCAINE IS GR8
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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