Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
