I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
