so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
