Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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