But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
