Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
