I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
