im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
