Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
