so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
