I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
