Your dad touched me again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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