You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
