I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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