Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
