before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
