he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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