Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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