When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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