Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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