You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
