Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize