i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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