im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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