The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
