It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
