Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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