I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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