As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
