Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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