the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
