i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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