): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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