My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
