dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
