And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
try to milk me bitch
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