It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
