I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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