my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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