Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
