I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
