I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
