weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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