We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
