People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
