Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
