Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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