what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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