yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
