She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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