her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
