theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
