There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
