At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
