then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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