so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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