Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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