people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
