I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
