the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You pole danced in your parka.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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