Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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