so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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