East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize