She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is Oprah even human
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
