drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
