all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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